Yesterday was World AIDS Day, a day set aside to remember the over 39 million people who have died from HIV/AIDS related health issues and to honor the lives of the more than 40 million who are currently living with the disease. It's a time when we can think about how far we've come and how far we have to go. We think about the friends and family lost, the entire generation of gay men who lost their voice, and to the people who fought from the very beginning of the epidemic.
I've commemorated this day off and on over the years depending on where I was in my life. The first time I can remember hearing about it was when I was in college and right after I'd met this guy Rusty who was in a few of my classes. Rusty was a nontraditional student, which means that he didn't come straight to college after high school, and he was probably in his mid 30's. He was an activist on campus and so smart and dedicated, I had so much admiration for him.
I don't remember how we got on the topic, but during the discussion one day in class Rusty mentioned, almost offhandedly, that he was HIV positive. Now I went to Kansas State University, which isn't exactly liberal or known to be accepting. So you can image the silence that occurred after his declaration. People didn't know how to respond or how to act. Even the professor, who was one of my favorites, didn't have anything to say and he quickly moved the discussion on. After class I was walking with Rusty, something I'd gotten used to doing since we were headed in the same direction, and we weren't talking. Finally he asked, "So what are you thinking?"
I told him the truth, that I had never met someone with HIV, that I didn't know much about it, and that I was surprised. I also remember this look on his face that seemed to say "I've been through this before" & "Don't freak out" & "Please be ok with this." It was a look of vulnerability from a person I'd come to expect strength and humor from. I skipped my next class (I think is was German, which I skipped once a week anyway) and we grabbed coffee and he started talking. Telling me the history of HIV/AIDS and with it some of my own history as a gay man. He told me about his treatment and his life, about how HIV is different from AIDS and how you get either one. That conversation led to many more, not just about HIV but about activism, and queer identity, and gay theology, and politics and boys. We talked about boys a lot over the next few years of our friendship.
Since then Rusty has gone on to do amazing things and while we aren't in touch any more I see him on social media every now and then and I'm always pleased with how well he is doing. I think he would be proud of me too.This year I spent World AIDS Day working at AIDS Project Los Angeles, like I do every day. And then attending a candle light vigil in West Hollywood. I spoke with a few people there about why they were there and who they walked for and every time I was asked that question, I always respond with I walk for Rusty. Rusty who was brave when he didn't have to be and kind and compassionate and is still doing great things in the world. Rusty who never let his status control his life or let other people's fears dictate what he could do or be. Rusty who taught me so much and helped shape who I am.
I wonder how you spent your Tuesday this week?
