How I remember...

Hey Friends... or whoever you are,

Yesterday was World AIDS Day, a day set aside to remember the over 39 million people who have died from HIV/AIDS related health issues and to honor the lives of the more than 40 million who are currently living with the disease. It's a time when we can think about how far we've come and how far we have to go. We think about the friends and family lost, the entire generation of gay men who lost their voice, and to the people who fought from the very beginning of the epidemic.

I've commemorated this day off and on over the years depending on where I was in my life. The first time I can remember hearing about it was when I was in college and right after I'd met this guy Rusty who was in a few of my classes. Rusty was a nontraditional student, which means that he didn't come straight to college after high school, and he was probably in his mid 30's. He was an activist on campus and so smart and dedicated, I had so much admiration for him.

I don't remember how we got on the topic, but during the discussion one day in class Rusty mentioned, almost offhandedly, that he was HIV positive. Now I went to Kansas State University, which isn't exactly liberal or known to be accepting. So you can image the silence that occurred after his declaration. People didn't know how to respond or how to act. Even the professor, who was one of my favorites, didn't have anything to say and he quickly moved the discussion on. After class I was walking with Rusty, something I'd gotten used to doing since we were headed in the same direction, and we weren't talking. Finally he asked, "So what are you thinking?"

I told him the truth, that I had never met someone with HIV, that I didn't know much about it, and that I was surprised. I also remember this look on his face that seemed to say "I've been through this before" & "Don't freak out" & "Please be ok with this." It was a look of vulnerability from a person I'd come to expect strength and humor from. I skipped my next class (I think is was German, which I skipped once a week anyway) and we grabbed coffee and he started talking. Telling me the history of HIV/AIDS and with it some of my own history as a gay man. He told me about his treatment and his life, about how HIV is different from AIDS and how you get either one. That conversation led to many more, not just about HIV but about activism, and queer identity, and gay theology, and politics and boys. We talked about boys a lot over the next few years of our friendship.

Since then Rusty has gone on to do amazing things and while we aren't in touch any more I see him on social media every now and then and I'm always pleased with how well he is doing. I think he would be proud of me too.

This year I spent World AIDS Day working at AIDS Project Los Angeles, like I do every day. And then attending a candle light vigil in West Hollywood. I spoke with a few people there about why they were there and who they walked for and every time I was asked that question, I always respond with I walk for Rusty. Rusty who was brave when he didn't have to be and kind and compassionate and is still doing great things in the world. Rusty who never let his status control his life or let other people's fears dictate what he could do or be. Rusty who taught me so much and helped shape who I am.

I wonder how you spent your Tuesday this week?

I've found my people... well partly at least

So one of my biggest sources of disappointment since I moved to LA has been a lack of social interaction. I'm the type of person who loves going out and doing things. Doesn't have to be the bars or drinking, I just love going and being with people. In Texas that could mean going dancing or out to dinner, playing Cards Against Humanity (still a favorite) or pool, going to an event or a movie or even floating the river. I just like have a group of friends and acquaintances that I go out and do stuff with.

Since moving to LA I've been a bit of a hermit, mostly because I have had such a limited amount of people to do things with. The people I do know are great, but there aren't that many of them, so it's been hard for me to get that social interaction that I crave. I've felt bored, lonely, and a bit useless. That all changed about three weeks ago.

 I found a group on Meet-Up that was called Gay Board Gaymers(GBG) that is active and does day-long meet ups a couple times a month. Anywhere from 40-70 people get together to play games like Settlers of Catan, Ticket to Ride, Mysterium, or any number of other things. I was a little apprehensive to just show up, but I'm so glad I did. Because they immediately welcomed me, invited me to other events, and asked me about myself.

Playing Spartacus as part of "Table Tops & Bottoms"

Since then I have gone to six different events with GBG and another group that I was added to (called Table Tops & Bottoms), from house parties to small get gatherings, from impromptu last minute game nights to played themed events (Togas, wine, cheese, pomegranate seeds, and a little Spartacus anyone?). It's not exactly like home yet, but it's getting closer to it and the more people I meet the more I'm loving the time we all spend together.

This game was called "Secret Hitler" and it was ridiculous.

So a big shout out to the people who have included me so far: Monica, Cain, Matt B., Matt A., Kevin, Christian, John, Joe, Vlad, Jordan, Mats, Andrew, Andre, Chris, Lorenzo, Francis, Patrick,  Sy, Jason, Deb, Kat, and many more. You guys & gals are making a mid-west geeks life much more enjoyable here in Hollywood.

Be Interesting

I subscribe to a YouTube channel called International Order of Sodomites. The main draw for me is the comedy clips of Justin Sayre, who is comedian, actor, and writer for 2 Broke Girls. His videos include things like “The New Hanky Code”, “Gay it Up”, and “Liza Manili is Cooler than you are!” But one of my favorite videos is one called “Be Interesting” in which Sayre’s begs the LGBT community to get our heads out of our collective asses and be the arbiters of style that we once were. Here is the video:

And the man has a point. We used to go to art gallery openings and Broadway, now we line up to Nick Jonas take his shirt off at the local gay bar. We used to have icons that sung great songs and spoke out against injustice, now we have Katy Perry and her Firework and Gaga and her Applause. Don’t get me wrong, I get it, society changes and grows, but it seems more like we are giving up and just talking about the Next Real Housewife and not about the next great American novel.

Meeting some interesting people in West Hollywood
Disney Drag Queens at Club Ultra Suede

Sayre’s claims that these people (the celebrities mentioned before) “Cultivated being Interesting”. They refused to let society tell them to be normal or to allow their thoughts to be edited or filtered. They were themselves and they were bigger than life. They read interesting thing and did interesting things and slept with interesting people, and it led them to be interesting people. They weren’t afraid to offend and they weren’t worried about being PC.

You don’t just become interesting at birth. You have to cultivate it! You have to work at it. Go to shows and read plays and hear music from around the world. Travel to small towns and big cities and to ancient ruins and the middle of the forest, experience life in a way that impacts you, that changes you.

Hanging out with Big Boo aka Lea DeLaria at AIDS Walk Los Angelese

I’m not sure writing a blog post is the best medium to get this point across but I don’t care. I’m learning to be interesting just like you. So like Sayre’s says “Be interesting, let others be offended.”

Danny Pintauro makes me want to punch things

I just found out that the Desert AIDS Project will honor Danny Pintauro with the Steve Chase Humanitarian Award... why? I have no idea.

Before I get into why I am mad, I want to say that I have no problem with Pintauro as a person or as a celebrity. As a matter of fact I was on stage with him at AIDS Walk Los Angeles just a few weeks ago. He seems like a lovely guy who is talking about some serious issues (aka Meth, Drugs, Sex, and HIV/AIDS). I just don't think he deserves this award, or any award, not yet.

Pintauro came out back in the late 90's after the National Inquirer threatened to out him with or without his side of the story. Alittle over a month ago he came out at HIV positive to Oprah. And TODAY it was announced he'd get this award... for all the great work he has done in the last 5 weeks, which is to say no real work.

This is a guy who has spent the last two decades hiding form the spot light, not talking about LGBT issues, and not really doing anything newsworthy.

• He hasn't been a leader in the LGBT community... 
• He wasn't fighting for Marriage Equality or against Don't Ask, Don't Tell... 
• He didn't make a It Gets Better video or participate in Spirit Days
• He hasn't spoken at Prides or rallies
• He has been silent and inactive

And then he comes out as positive, does a couple TV appearances (where he said really problematic things), and now we should all love him? And now he is a gay poster child? Why? Because he is a white, cis-gendered, gay former child start who dresses well, doesn't have any scandals, and is cute? Seriously, what has he done to earn the respect of the community or this award? NOTHING.

Which is why I am mad at Desert AIDS Project, because they should know better. They should pick someone has put in the time and effort to help the community. They should honor someone who has done something honorable!

I hope Pintauro because the Beacon of Light he keeps talking about. I hope he becomes an activist and does good. I hope that in a decade or so, he may deserve this honor. But not yet!

Come on LGBT community, get your head out of your collective asses and pick someone worth something. To read about the award, visit: http://bit.ly/1MSLl4U

Background

I feel like I should probably give you all the background information before I plunge ahead… I hate those writers who make you guess at what happened or give it to you piece by piece, seriously could you just write a flashback chapter or an introduction and get it over with, but anyway…  So why am in California, how did I get to be here, and where did I come from.

Clark Air Force base where I was born... My college Alma Mater
The Alamo in Texas.... The Thai Coast

I grew up a preacher’s kid and military brat; my dad was an Air Force electrician and my mom was a missionary so we moved around a lot growing up. My brother and I were born on Clark Air Force Base in Luzon, Philippines and I spent time living all over the world: Seoul, South Korea… Fort Walton Beach, Florida…. Frankfurt, Germany…. Savannah, Georgia… Mumbai, India… only to end up in Mulvane, Kansas for high school (never heard of Mulvane? I’m not surprised, it’s tiny and sucks). After high school, I went to Kansas State University (BA’s in English and History) with an internship in San Francisco and then a year of grad school in Davenport, Iowa (Non-profit Management and Leadership Theory). I then worked overseas in Ecuador and Thailand, before going to work on a cruise ship for a couple years that took me all over the Caribbean, Europe, and Oceania (Australia and New Zealand and the surrounding Islands), before landing back in Texas where my mom was from.

Cuenca, Ecuador...... Savannah, Georgia
The Sydney Opera House..... A beach in St. Martin 

I moved back to Burleson, Texas (once again, if you don’t know it, don’t worry. Also small and also shitty), to take care of my grandmother who had gotten sick. Nothing super serious, she had fallen and broken a hip and then contracted pneumonia… all of which sounds bad, but if you knew my Gma then you’d know it barely kept her in bed. Anyway, her rehab and getting back to full strength took the better part of a year so it wasn’t until around a year ago I started looking into getting out of Texas. I found a great year long program that would place me in a non-profit somewhere in the states with hopes of finding full time employment either at the nonprofit or in the area. So I got placed at AIDS Project Los Angeles in the communications department and I now live in Studio City.

So that’s my short, but pseudo-detailed life story. I don’t want to focus on it too much because that’s not what this blog is about. This is about the future not the past, about where I’m going and I only told you about where I’ve been so you understand me a little. I probably won’t talk much about those past experiences, but I’ll answer questions if I need too.

So now, on to adventure…

Expectations

So what happens when you take a late-20’s Texas boy and put him in LA? No I’m not kidding, I'm seriously asking because so far I haven’t figured it out. Because you see the thing about moving to LA is that nothing is like you expect it’s going to be. I wanted Hollywood and glitz and glam, and I got North Hollywood and the Metro system. I was hoping for great parties and events, so far my invitations have been to help someone move and to babysit. I was looking forward to more men to date and fun dates, what I’ve gotten is lots of Netflix and zero chill…. Once again not kidding here, ZERO CHILL if you know what I mean… Sex I’m talking about sex… and moving on.

That sky is totally fake... also they totally edited out the big cell tour behind the sign

Don’t get me wrong, I love it here. The work I’m doing is great and fulfilling and purposeful. The people in the community are amazing and hospitable. My apartment is huge and my roommates are great on a good day and tolerable on their worst. But it’s not exactly The O.C. or 90210 or any of the other numerous shows set in LA. It’s more like the early season of the Real World. You know the ones with the grainy affects and quirky characters that weren’t too crazy and/or too hot you couldn’t connect with them. Just normal people living life together and trying to make it work.

Which is the problem!!!! If I wanted to normal I’d have stayed in Texas, not packed all my stuff and moved across the country to a town I can’t get a Gin & Tonic in for less than $8. I wanted adventure and excitement, I wanted movie stars and film premiers, I wanted to see performances and great art… And dammit, I’m going to get it.

So that’s what this blog is going to be about, both my everyday life and my quest for the extraordinary. The day to day and the unusual, fights and dates mixed with flash and bang. Look out (North) Hollywood… here I come!